Translated from a LiveJournal post. I've also removed the things which only make sense to Russian-speakers.
You've been living in Estonia too long if...
1. A mention of a town with a population of a million or more causes you to panic slightly.
2. The phrase "go south, get some sun" can feasibly mean Latvia or Lithuania. The phrase "go north" is semantically null.
3. You dislike Finns.
4. It's been years since you've seen your paper passport and paper bus pass.
6. And weeks since you've seen cash money.
7. And you barely remember that there are other forms of payment except electronic ones.
8. When you come to a city that has a subway, you are prepared to spend a day just riding it.
9. You presume that all other countries also have ubiquitous Internet access.
10. Four-digit bus route numbers cause your brain to shut down.
11. You have very rarely been to Narva, Viljandi and Pärnu. They're all too far.
12. You feel that the University of Tartu is among the top 5 best/largest/oldest universities in the world, and if you've graduated from it, all paths in life are open for you.
13. Swimming in +18C water is a perfectly normal summer activity for you.
14. Although when summer does come around, you tend to be working that day.
15. You will die before finding out if anyone actually does buy all those black&white hand-knit sweaters in the Old Town.
16. You can name from memory all the really big musical acts that have performed in Estonia.
17. You are gradually beginning to understand Finnish.
18. Walking down Viru street, you can accurately name all the cruise ships in Tallinn harbour on that day.
19. You can tell Estonian girls apart.
20. You can tell a Russian from an Estonian, in a crowd, at a glance.
21. You know the names of all three black people living in Estonia.
22. Any place beyond a "now leaving town" roadsign is the countryside.
23. You remember the 1-kroon bill and the 5-sent coin.
24. A person that speaks three languages isn't the slightest bit impressive.
25. Your biological clock senses with perfect accuracy the 15 minutes since you've parked your car in the center of town.
26. You have already been to Olde Hansa.
27. You know what the EURIBOR rate is right now.
28. If it takes more than 10 minutes to drive somewhere within the city, you are mildly annoyed because it is too far.
29. You are beginning to have a glimmer of hope for ever learning how to correctly pronounce Jüriöö Ülestõus.
30. Your doctor prescribes a visit to a tanning salon.
31. You take it as inevitable that you will need to go abroad for some things: clothes, footwear, books, theme parks...
32. First-graders with mobile phones no longer surprise you.
33. People who type slowly and carefully using only their index fingers are subconsciously considered to be foreigners.
34. You know why the Mermaid memorial has wings, but no fishtail.
35. The most difficult subjects you learned at school were estonian history, estonian geography and estonian literature.
36. You know the other meaning of the noun "alien".
37. Seeing a helicopter in the sky is an exceptional occurrence.
38. You complain about traffic jams. People laugh at you.
39. You know subconsciously that the bus lane is separated from the general traffic lanes by an invisible wall.
40. You can speak with pride of Estonia's tallest mountain.
41. Buildings taller than 20 floors are sightseeing items where you bring visitors.
42. You are beginning to find Eino Baskin's jokes funny.
43. You can call Tallinn a "capital" with a straight face.
44. You can tell the difference between the local winter, summer, spring and fall.
45. On June 23rd, you feel the irresistible urge to drink beer and barbeque meat.
46. You consider Viru Valge to be a good brand of vodka.
47. When you hear "Kristina", you think of Shmigun, not Aguilera.
48. When at a cafe abroad you get a cup of instant coffee, you are astounded.
49. Every year you believe, deep in your heart, that Estonia will once again win Eurovision.
The vast intelligence of Mary Ann Evans
3 months ago